My brother and his computer

queenmaria · Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:47 am Post subject: My brother and his computer

I think my brother is addicted to his computer. He spends all of his time on it, from 3:30 when he gets home to 9:00 when he has to turn it off. And I think he turns it on when everyones asleep. He does stuff with flash and is really good at what he does. But lately all hes been doing is playing a computer game where you kill aliens. He speaks in l33t. Out loud. I don't think its healthy for a 13 year old boy to have more friends online than in real life. My parents dont seem to want to do anything about it. When I try to talk him about it, he just says the future is in computers and human interaction is unnesisary. He spent all summer on the computer and gulps down dinner so he can run off to his room. He isnt in sports and doesnt have any close friends. He says that guys dont hang out, but I have guy friends and I overhear guys conversations and they all get together.

I'm just really worried about him. We are twins. Can I get him off the computer or is he stuck there forever? If hes away from internet for a day he goes into withdrawl and we have to keep him away from internet cafes or he will spend al day there.

How can I get my parents to relize that its not healthy for him?

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Kaytee576 · Site Admin Joined: 08 Apr 2007 Posts: 256 Location: UK

hi Maria, I understand your concern for your brother, He is spending a lot of time on the PC but Maybe it is his way of escaping reality and he feels safer to have friends online, It is easier if you lack confidence to chat to people you cannot see but it can become something we get addicted to for a while but I feel it does wear off within time.

Take me for example, I was spending far to long on the PC making Sims movies, hours a night and when I wasn't on it I was thinking about my next music video and when I could grab another few hours on there, after a while I lost interest a little and moved onto chat like IMVU and if I wasn't doing that I would spend ages browsing the Internet.

I am not so bad now, I know at the time I was on here as I dont really go out, my best friend is my sister who lives miles away and being on the pc kept me occupied.
It sounds like your brother is going through this faze too, Many children all over the world spend far too much time on the computer and As unhealthy as it can be unfortunately it is something we do.

I feel it would be good if your brother could find another interest, Would he spend time with you? go places that he enjoys? Is there another hobby he could get into to take him away from the PC?

I know both of you have had a rough time in the past

this maybe the way your brother gets through and uses the PC as an escape-ism to take his mind off how he feels inside, stresses or worries he may have.

Please try not to panic too much, nothing really bad will happen to him from being on the PC, But it is best if he at least has breaks, they say every hour. Try to get him to come away even for just ten minutes and that way he is giving his eyes a rest for a little while.

I am sure he will soon loose interest in his game, My fiance was spending hours on his pro evolution soccer game I felt he thought more of it then me at one point!! but now he hardly touches it.

I know it is hard Maria but I feel you should try to take a step back and remember you are important you have enough on your mind and other then speak to your brother and express how you feel I think that he will still go on the PC no matter how much you tell him he shouldn't.

Here are some reasons why people say Pc can become addictive

Computer abuse can result from people using it repeatedly as their main stress reliever, instead of having a variety of ways to cope with negative events and feelings. Other misuses can include procrastination from undesirable responsibilities, distraction from being upset, and attempts to meet needs for companionship and belonging.

Here is the site I got this from http://www.utdallas.edu/counseling/selfhelp/computer-addiction.html

I hope you will be OK and try to keep smiling for me, to look on the positive side I have learnt so much from being on the PC so your brother might gets some good stuff from it too, especially if he wants to work with computers in the future, I am sorry to not be of much help, please let us know how things go, Try to talk to him and most of all just make sure he knows you are there for him which I am sure he already does.

Take care hun xx
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queenmaria · Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 12:41 am Post subject:

Ok. I stepped back a bit. I'm still inviting him everywhere I go, but he won't ever come. I considered making a path of skittles out of his room so he'd come out. But Then I ate the skittls and my friends stole the rest. What he does in like programming and stuff is really cool. and good. What we have in common is snowboarding, The Demented Cartoon Movie (if anyone hasn't seen that, they should) and same color of hair/eyes. Theres no snow (yet). Yes, we have had a hard time, but he seems to get along with my parents better than I do. School has made him be on it less. He really likes his coputer even though he knows it all. I've tried to get him to walk home with me and my (guy and girl) friends, since we usualy take about 1 hr and a half with all the coffee stops. But he won't. I'm wondering if I should talk to his friends about asking him to go somewhere?
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Kaytee576 · Site Admin Joined: 08 Apr 2007 Posts: 256 Location: UK

Hey Maria, im pleased to hear your brother has been on the pc less since going back to school, you made me laugh about the skittles bless you, I don't think I could have left them either!!
I am sure your brother is really great at what he does I wonder as I said before though if the PC is his way of escaping if that makes sense? it isn't a bad thing if he feels thats his way of coping and it helps.

Im not sure what to say about you talking to his friends, how would your brother feel about this? would he be pleased you tried to help or could it go the wrong way and he could see it as interfering? thats what I was thinking when I read the post, maybe I am wrong you know your brother better then anyone. And you know how his friends are too, sorry cant be much help.

Be strong Maria and remember to look after yourself as you are very special xxx

queenmaria · Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2007 7:02 pm Post subject:

Yesterday my brother got on the computer at 8:30 am and didnt get off till 10:00 pm. I don't believe he had lunch. I tried talking to my parents but they seem to hve this atitude of "at least he is doing something productive unlike some people we know" Like I said hes really good at programming games and differant stuff. I asked some of my friends to have ask him to go somewhere with us. They get it too, My brother and I have always been at pretty same level (not quite the popular kids but deffinately not the unpopular kids). His old friends are now not hanging with him. He didn't even talk to them over the summer. He found another comuter nerd that he can discuss computer stuff with, but other than that he doesn't really talk.

He's not eating anything but like chips and oreos and candy (MY candy. I was out till nine trying explain to people that one is not to old to go trickr-treating to get that candy) He isn't exercising except in PE, and looks like you could just push him over.

So now im worried about his health.
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I know its sad I never gave a damn about the weather, it never gave a damn about me.

Kaytee576 · Site Admin Joined: 08 Apr 2007 Posts: 256 Location: UK

Oh I am sorry to hear this Maria, it seems your brother would much rather be on his PC these days then meeting others, (I know how he feels it seems much safer in front of this desk then out in the wide world) Except it isnt practical to spend your life in front of a screen and as you know unhealthy especially for someone of your brothers age that should be getting out more, I am still hoping this is a faze he is going through though I think he has been like this for a while now hasn't he?

The comments your parents make are not kind/fair on you

I guess in someways they are right he is doing something productive, I am sure you do to, we all have different hobbies and interests but there is a line and we shouldn't let them become the be all and end all in our lives and take it too far.

I know it is hard but have you tried telling your brother how you feel? I don't know if you did try before?
You shouldn't have to but when you have your lunch could you maybe make him a plate and bring it up, not like you made a special effort just tell him you were there anyways.
Maybe say to him, that he has to eat, the computer isn't going anywhere and if he is eating properly he will be able to get a lot more done, the body needs fuel and his brain will be a lot slower in concentration too if he isn't eating/drinking properly.

Do your parents cook dinners? does he eat anything other then the candy? it seems he just snacks rather then get up and interupt what he is doing but it isnt healthy or good for him.

Was he on the PC all summer? what else does he do? does he go to school? Its a shame his friends stopped talking to him, he needs friends, it is ok of course to have friends online but he needs some real life human contact.

I am sorry to not be of much help, I will come back to you If I have anymore thoughts that may help. Take care hun, here for you xx

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