Weight

Greta Rules · Joined: 16 Apr 2007 Posts: 45 Location: Minnesota

Two problems for you...
Problem #1
My friend who I have been friends with for 6 years keeps complaining shes to fat. When we eat at lunch she barely eats anything. Everyone we sit with with weighs more than her. What should I do to help her?

Problem #2
My other frined I have been friends with for 2 years. She has a lot of family problems lately and never wants to talk. For the past week on the bus she'll bring snacks and she won't eat. The other day she brought a lunch to school didn't eat it and gave it away. She is a little heavier but not by much. What should I do to get her to talk to me and if I'm able to what should I tell her.

Help!

Kaytee576 · Site Admin Joined: 08 Apr 2007 Posts: 256 Location: UK

Hi Greta rules so nice to meet you.
I am sorry to hear about your friends, it must be hard for you but they are very lucky to have a friend who cares about them.

lets start with friend one..
I am sorry to hear your friend is feeling this way, it seems at the moment she is feeling low about her image as she is complaining she feels fat.
This seems to have become such a big thing inside of her head that she now struggles to eat.
At the moment it sounds like your friend is at a healthy weight and that is the way she should stay, What she really needs at the moment is you, A good friend that is there for her, Can you talk to her, Tell her your concerns, Explain that you are there for her and you do not want her to become ill, let her know you care and compliment her, every time you see her tell her she looks nice, tell her you love the outfit she is wearing anything nice you can think of as right now I feel she needs to hear it.
Im sure your friend is just going through a low self esteem time in her life and I pray that, that is purely all it is, But if you could just sit her down and talk to her try and make things a little clearer for yourself and her.

Friend 2.
This could be slightly different for this friend, Has she mentioned she is worried about her weight? Her not wanting to eat could purely be as she has so much on her mind.

Sometimes when we have lots of problems in our lives we just loose the motivation to do certain things and maybe that day she gave her food away he just simply didn't have a appetite.
Either way I feel She too needs someone to talk to.
I know it is hard as you said she doesn't like to open up to you, But have you tried just letting her know you are there and that you care?

My friend Karen is going through a awful time at the moment and She would not speak to me, I knew it would help her if she did so I just kept sending her texts to tell her I care and kept telling her until she found the courage to come to me and tell me all. It was worth the wait.
Just be there for your friend too let her know you will talk to her anytime about anything then if she knows this I'm sure when she is ready she will talk to you.

If there is anything else you can tell me to make the picture clearer please do. We are always here for you.
Sending hugs to you.
Kaytee576 xxx

PS. With both friends is there a chance they could have been bullied about their weight? When did you notice them start to act like this? And how old are they? Sorry so many questions xxx

queenmaria · Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 2:01 am Post subject:

problem 1. I was like that for while .You'll need to talk to your other friends for a little sneaky plotting. Have everyone bring food you know she likes if you bring lunch. Share. And then don't let her go to the bathroom afterwords.I dont know if she is the kind of person to throw it back up. Do not tell her she is anorexic. Maybe say you wish you were as skinny as her. She's probably getting pressure from somewhere. My dad would tell me I was fat. Not directly. But telling me I needed to stay slim and slender if I was to get a boyfriend and asking me about the boys I had met. You guys appear to be good friends. When you go shopping tell her how great she looks. How old is she?

problem 2. She thinks her family problems are her fault and that people don't want to hear about them. Get her out of the house (go shopping with friend mentied above?) What 'family problems' is she having? I hope I can help.
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Kaytee576 · Site Admin Joined: 08 Apr 2007 Posts: 256 Location: UK

I just wanted to add that I had anorexia. I was 17 and I stopped eating because apart from other issues I felt I wanted to be attractive to boys and there was a gang of boys at school who used to call me so many nasty things.

If your friends do have a eating problem the chances are they might not even realise themselves, so they will probably deny all.
At the moment i think this is a recent thing with your friends so talk to them keep an eye on them and if you notice they start to loose weight and they will not talk to you about it maybe you could take it upon yourself to talk to someone else, a teacher or relative anyone that may be able to point you in the right direction and help you to help them.

Just be there for them, I do think with friend two that Maria is right, but still offer your support until you are sure of this.

I am sorry my answer is probably of no help, But i am sure your friends will get through anything with you at their side.

I am now 25 and well. with the right support and love you can get through anything, We are always here for you, And your friends if you need someone xxxx

Angels-quest · Site Admin Joined: 09 Apr 2007 Posts: 75 Location: UK

Welcome Greta, nice to have you here

Ok, well I have always had a thing about my weight, so i can totally relate to this.Even when i was so thin everyone said i looked ill, i still could see myself as fat.

Well, i have learn't that an understanding ear helps. People have tried many tacts with me, from being understanding, ignoring my fears, to getting cross with me! The last one certainly just made me feel a whole lot worse.
Really it is reassurance that your 1st Friend needs...or why else say she is fat? because for the same reasons i would say it, you want to hear that you are not, to feel reassured. Of course I wouldn't want anyone to lie either, if i was fat, i'd like to be told. i'd be devastated, but least I'd know.
I wonder maybe if you said that skipping meals actually makes you put weight on, would make your friend think a little. only i used to skip meals, but when i heard that by doing that your body stores up more fat...it changed the way i think to at least having regular small meals. That's one thought, as it certainly made me think "well I wont skip meals anymore if it means i'll get fatter by doing it!"
Yes, tell her that she looks nice, especially if you are shopping for outfits together. Although i'd never believe it when someone said that, because you have such a downer on yourself. if it is said often enough, you start to kinda believe it & feel a bit better.
Maybe if you are outfit shopping & you see something she would like say " Oh it would look better on you, as you are so skinny"
Maybe point out to her, the friends that you say weigh more than her...say do you think "so & so" (whatever thier names are) are overweight? If she says no, then say well they are much bigger than you are, so you cant be overweight if that is the case.

Worrying about weight can be such an awful thing, it can take over your whole life & dominate everything you do. See if maybe she will open up to you a little, ask her what her fears are...make a pact that you would tell her if she ever had weight to worry about.I found that takes a little of the worry off of me, if i trust someone enough to tell me if i do start to get too heavy.

As for friend 2: Can you just tell her you know she has a lot going on at the moment, but if she ever needs to talk, you are there?

Family/home problems can certainly affect the appetite. But as I think Maria said, it could be that she is blaming herself for some of the problems...and by taking food away is like punishing herself...in the only way she can control.Thats part of it actually, control...when your life is a mess, and you have no control of the things going on around you, it can often show itself in an obsession, with weight, hand washing,cleaning, checking things....because by you choosing to not put food in your mouth, or choosing to clean the house 20times..it means you have control of that at least. if that makes sense??

Really trying to get her to talk to you about how she feels, would be a good start. Ask her to go shopping with you, as you really need her advice on getting a new outfit or something...that way she will start talking about something mundane like clothes while you are out, and she might feel a little more at ease & open up a bit more??

I hope you manage to work something out, we are always here to listen.

Hugs,
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Many Hugs & Blessings,
Angels Quest

In Loving Memory of Dad 1945-2002. Nan 1919-2006..and all our furry Babies: Roxy, Suzy,Annie,Peach,Kimi,Cookie,Dudley,Spud,Alfie,Thomas,Chester,Milly,Molly,Harry,Wesley.Until we meet again.xxxx

marryroy01 · Joined: 23 Jul 2009 Posts: 3

1. The time most suitable for Yoga is in the morning before breakfast when the mind is calm and fresh and the movements can be done with ease and vitality.

2.The most important things you'll need to get started - as they say - are a big heart and a small ego.

3.A person must seek a place of quietude, which is well ventilated, free from dust, insects, unpleasant smell, draught, and moisture. There should be no distraction whatsoever.

4.You must empty your bowels and bladder, clean your nostrils and throat of all mucus, consume a glass of lukewarm water and then begin the exercises after 15 minutes.

5.Always remember that you should begin with the easy postures and then proceed to the difficult ones. One must follow the graded steps of Yoga.

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