Stressed Out

x.Poisoned.x.Rose.x · Stressed Out

My whole life depresses me - School stresses me out, I hate my house because it's messy and pretty much a danger hazard

, we have no money ever, I hate what i've done in the past, the computer stresses me out 89% of the time, but the biggest thing that depresses me is not being with my bf. We met on the internet, and after a while started going out together. i think it was near the begining of the year, but i can't remember.
I even have like, mental breakdowns. Seriously. My friends say i'm just crazy and mental, cause i am with them, but other times i just break down in a corner

I often feel suicidal, and try getting a knife to slit my wrists, but i can never do it, which is the sensible thing to do i know.

I dunno how anyone cud help me, but thats me ..

x

Kaytee576

Hey hun, I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way we are always here for you and though we are not doctors or trained in anyway We will always do our best by sharing our experiences and advice from our own opinions.

Sorry to ask but do you live with your parents? it is such a shame the house gets you down, I know how you feel, when you are feeling depressed or low your environment can effect you a lot, I have had many down days where I just have to go mad cleaning but sadly when a place is lived in and you have as many pets as I do it is impossible to keep it tidy for long.

It would be hard for you to keep the whole house tidy yourself, the people that live with you need to take responsibility too, have you tried expressing how you feel? would this be possible?

Do you have your own room? i bet that is lovely and tidy, try to keep it how you like it and when the mess is getting to you take a few moments to yourself and shut the door to the mess outside. I'm not saying shut yourself away but think of it as your haven where you can escape for a few moments when you feel that way.

As for your boyfriend, have you both met up yet? sorry to ask so many questions but it helps me get a better picture of things. Then I can go back to it and hope to help you in some way.

you say you have felt suicidal and I am so pleased to hear you have been strong enough to not do anything, You seem like an amazing girl, from what I know of you so far you seem so mature and before knowing your age I would have expected you to be a lot older from what you write, I hate to think of you feeling this way, Is there anyone close to you, you can talk to? someone you can confide in about how you feel?

Right now I think you need love and support and I hope you can get that.

You said you hate what you have done in the past, if you feel ready to talk about it feel free to but you do not have to.
I know it is hard but you have to remember "The Past Is The Past" and we cannot go back and change it no matter how much we wish we could.
WE ALL make mistakes, god knows Ive done things in the past I am not proud of but we need to realise that it was all part of life, we make mistakes and we learn from them and it helps us to become a better and stronger person, please don't be hard on yourself try too look to the future, be strong and remember what ever you did, you are still you and it doesnt make you a bad person, its just human.

Anyways Ill shut up now!! look forward to hearing from you soon.

Love and hugs me xx

queenmaria

Dont Cut! It doesnt help it makes it worse and worse. My friends just say im weird/bipolar/spoiled when I do stuff like that. You just want to scream and break stuff and ARRGH! I come home and hide in my closet an cry.
I yell at my friends and jump out of trees (or refuse to come down). Just Scream sometime. not into a pillow. Climb to the top of a playground and yell. That always makes me feel better. Screaming and kicking walls in some ones house gets you in trouble though

.
I have alot of stuffed animals from when I was little. Ripping them up and throwing them makes me less stressed. I try to keep people away from me when I want to hit stuff (and I try to keep my mouth shut. Cussing out people takes you to detention)

What NOT to do:
Cut
Light stuff on fire
Cut off your hair
Do Homework
Make voodoo dolls of people you know

Try This:
Listen To music really loudly (I suggest Jack off Jill or Marilyn Manson)
throw soft stuff
Get away from people
Scream
Hide under your bed (this paired with the music is what I usually do)
Run/skateboard/ride your bike really fast

PS I'll send you a song or two if you want. "French Kiss the Elderly" - Jack off Jill (Is your signiture from that song? I cant tell.) "they said hells not hot"- Marilyn Manson are two I listen to when I'm feeling like crap.

x.Poisoned.x.Rose.x

lol, so much to answer. I'll put it in sections in the order you asked ..

1. I KINDA live with my parents. I live with; My mum, my brother, my sister. My Dad sleeps at his mum's ( my nana lol ) but comes to our house after work for his tea and to see us. ( i think he mainly just comes to see Rosie .. I don't think he cares for me or my brother cause he always yells at us or hits us sometimes ) OH and he takes us to school in the mornings. Even though i have a problem with school aswell and don't go all the time ..

2. Yes i have. Many times, and my family all want it tidied too but A) my mum doesn't know where to start. B) No one ever 'gets the time' to do it cause mum watches tv all day and has to make food etc etc. C) My mum wont let the Social Services help clean up. I WANT KIM AND AGGIE!! lol. My mum always goes when i say we should let the social services help, would you want them throwing things away you wanted? GRR! No i wouldn't but it doesn't mean put off all the rest of the house does it?!

3. *sighs* I don't even have that. I have to share with my bloody BROTHER for petes sake! Cause the room he would go in is too much of a mess to put a bed in etc etc. I would then have to share with my sister anyway

least that's better than a boy, lol. [&&] it's a mess aswell. I have started clearing a bit of it, but it's hard when no one else helps you

I am on a top bunk, and even that bed is a caution. Always falling down .. and i have loads of my things at the bottom of the ladder so i have to practically jump, and put my hands out so i don't bang my face on the wall! But i made it a bit better a while ago so atleast thats not as bad now ..

4. Nope. Never

. [&&] I don't mind you asking a lot

I know it might help me

5.

. Well, i have a Support Worker and I get on well with her. Our last meet-up i broke down in her car because i talked to her about all of this and i couldn't help but cry. My mum doesn't like her or any social services worker, but i feel like I and Kathryn ( that's my support workers name ) are really good friends now ..

Yeah, i feel i do too

i always feel alone ..

6. I know. I really know that, but i think about it all the time and i can't help it

I've started to tell people about it, so i think i can talk about it. But my god I hate what i've done. [&&] i hate thinking that i'm gunna still think of what i've done in my life that's bad when i'm old. Heck i don't even like thinking of when i'm old xD
I would rather talk in pm i think if i did talk about everything in my past .. unless you think it would be better for me to talk about it in the forums?

Queenmaria, here's my reply to you

lol i threw one of my teddies once and that made me more sad that i'd hur my teddybear LOL >.< but i think it does help kinda. I like throwing stuff >.<
Thanks for the advice

i wish i was able to ride my bike but i can't, and my skateboard is kinda rubbish. I would rather ride my bike than run cause i loved doing that. It did help me escape

I have a lot of songs already. I want to put some off my comp and put them on CD's but i need CD disks first .. i have some songs that are quite good

maybe if you could find me a sample of what they are like and then i'll decide

Oh and i don't know if it's in my siggie. i didn't intend it to be lol

Thank you both xx

I have to add also ..

A few days ago water came pouring down from the kitchen ceiling because my mum was having a shower, and it practically flooded the floor. Then a moth in our house made my mum lose the hob's gas lighter button ( because it's loose ) and THEN a stupid daddy longlegs made me smash my fanta glass

Kaytee576

x.Poisoned.x.Rose.x

lol lots of people say i'm cute >.<

I do wish i could go out more with my friends. I have been a bit more recently, because my bezzie wants me to make friends away from the computer( xD ), but my bezzie always has to pay my bus fare which i don't think is fair on her

But yeah i suppose it is.

Our last session was last monday, but she said she was gunna beg her boss for one more session so we could bowl

and she didn't come today so i don't know when she is or if she is

i hope she does cause it helps me be happy for a while and i look forward to them .. she said i could maybe go have tea at her house sometimes though even after the sessions because i'm friends with her son so

[&&] yeah my mum i think is like that. Scared we get taken away. Sometimes she says things like 'i hope they do take you away' when she's mad, and she has said she didn't mean it when she's not mad no more. So i think you're dead on there, cause she doesn't trust the social workers. Some are evil they take kids away when angry with the parent(s) ..

I got him to kinda help me once but then he got bored and ran away.

. I would get the room with my sister when he moved into a room of his own. Thinking about it i don't think it's very fair him moving out and getting a room of his own but i have to still share. Especially if i clean it all on my own .. :/

yeah it is pretty confusing >.< my mum and dad are still married, but .. yeah .. xD

The social worker wants to help get it cleaned up. With a team of people. But we might aswell move out - the light on the left of the living room from me wont work at all, and there's the bath situation .. and bugs .. and i wouldn't be suprised if the black mold stuff on the roof's upstairs is making the house bad, too .. but mum doesn't want their help like i said .. argh it's so confusingggggg ..

Okay .. i think it might do me good to try talking about it all. I might beable to push it away from me or something lol XD

i hope i am that lol. Thankies for the hug ^_- i like hugs!!! *gives a hug back* ^^

EDIT: I just said to my mum 'i don't want the sessions to end' and we end up having an arguement <.< oh.my.god.

Kaytee576

Hey hun, how are things now? Have you had anymore sessions? hope so and hope you are feeling better? Have you managed to get any help with the house?
remember we are always here whenever you need us.
Sending a hug your way,
xx

x.Poisoned.x.Rose.x

Well, i haven't had anymore sessions but i suppose i do have some news on what progress will be happening ..

My support worker is going to be having more sessions with me soon

My social worker is going to be helping me get to school more so woo XD
and i think this week she is gunna go to a place like wimpy or mcdonalds with me for food, and after the half-term she's gunna help my mum clean the kitchen

So the house will probably be getting better a bit soon

xx