What to do?

Kaytee576 · Site Admin Joined: 08 Apr 2007 Posts: 256 Location: UK

Viona I am sorry to hear the difficult time you are going through right now. I know it must seem like your world is in total chaos right now and I wish there was something we could do or say that will really help you.
All I can do is advise and tell you my opinion and I hope that you know you can turn to us on the forum anytime.
How are things since your last post? I really feel you need to talk to someone. Is there anyone you can see at your doctors? can you make an appointment with the doctor and talk about your options? I know this is a daunting thing but you do not have to tell him what has happened but he maybe able to find you a counselor or support worker who can help you and offer you someone to talk to.
Do you have any adult friends or family you can speak with? you need someone to support you at this time.
The decision to tell your brother rests with you but you both went into this relationship together and its something you shouldn't have to deal with alone.
I wish you luck and please come talk to us anytime.
Here for you.
<3 Kaytee xxx

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Thank you for joining us. Please remember we are not doctors or trained in anyway, but we are here as we want to help. We do not judge and we are here for you anytime.

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Hi Kaytee,
Right now, things are very difficult for me, and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. All the advice you guys have been giving me about birth control has come to nought. I was most probably already pregnant by the time I asked for your advice, but still I'd like to thank you for all the helpful advice you've given me.
I cannot think of one adult I can turn to for help, other than my grandmother. Whether she'd understand, is of course an entirely different matter. How do I tell her that I had sex with my brother and am now expecting his baby.
I know that a lot of people would criticize me for having sex with my brother, but you'd never know how much I love him. I enjoy being with him, I enjoy sharing my love with him. I'll have to find a way of telling him that I'm expecting his baby.

queenmaria · Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 3:24 am Post subject:

Sorry for the late reply, I've been busy.

You do need to tell your brother, and then decide what to do with the baby. Whatever your relatives or friends say, the choice is in the end up to you. I have had a friend since 2nd grade, and she recently had a kid. A little boy and he is adorable. she is still going to school while her mother and grandmother take care of him. In your case you need to think through if you can afford a baby right now, and if you are prepared for the responsibility. I don't know lots about abortion, but if you cant keep the baby that is an option. If you do not want to do that or can't, adoption is an option too.You would probably end up missing about 3 months of school. That is what my friend did. She was pretty round in the end. This is an enormous thing to be dealing with and you seem incredibly brave.
You could try talking to your school counselour. The couselour for my grade is pretty cool, and most are not aloud to blab about what they have been talking about to you. A friend or friend's mom may also be good to talk to.

<3 <3
Maria.
_________________
I know its sad I never gave a damn about the weather, it never gave a damn about me.

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Hi Kaytee and Maria,
I would like to use this opportunity of wishing you the best over the coming festive season and everything of the best for the new year!
With Christmas upon us, I've decided to keep my secret a little while longer and only share it with my brother in the new year.
The other night he commented on the fact that I am putting on weight, but I said that this was due to the birth control. He then said that he felt guilty about this, as this would not have happened to me if he used a condom instead of expecting me to use the birth control. If only he knew.
Just thought I'd let you know I am OK. The morning sickness appears to be subsiding and is no longer such a big headache.
I am starting to notice other changes in my body and need to discus this with you guys. If you're willing to help, please let me know.

queenmaria · Posted: Sun Dec 21, 2008 9:47 pm Post subject:

Of course I will listen! And happy holidays toyou too! I hope you have a great next year!
_________________
I know its sad I never gave a damn about the weather, it never gave a damn about me.

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Hi Maria and Kaytee,
How are you guys? I hope that you are all well.
Schools re-open this coming Wednesday for us. I, of course will not be returning to school. I'll most probably do so after I have given birth.
I have not told anyone about my pregnancy as yet. I've been wearing loose clothes to hide my tummy. "Someone" asked me about my weight gain, but I just said it was due to the birth control I'm using. I have of course stopped using the pill, as it is by now way too late.
I feel really good, and is starting to look forward to having the baby. I am though, starting to suffer from plenty of not-so-fun stuff like back pain, swelling fingers and feet, nosebleeds and stuffy nose, and am always tired. Is this all normal?
I think I have reached the stage where I'll have to tell my brother, find out from him what he thinks, and how the two of us should approach telling our grandmother. Not something I'm looking forward to. Any advice?
Just a couple of things guys: I have not been to a doctor as yet. I have saved up some money, and will most probably go see him some time this week. What should I tell him? Should I tell him who the father is? If it is at all possible, I'd like him to check for any birth defects. This is important to me, as I would not like our baby to suffer from birth defects.

Kaytee576 · Site Admin Joined: 08 Apr 2007 Posts: 256 Location: UK

hey Viona, I was wondering how you are? hows things since your last post? im sorry for the late reply, did you see the doctor? Always here for you and hope you are ok xxx
_________________
Thank you for joining us. Please remember we are not doctors or trained in anyway, but we are here as we want to help. We do not judge and we are here for you anytime.

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Hi Kaytee,
I thought you guys had forgotten about me!
I am fine. Thank you very much for the concern. I've been to the doctor, and I am 17 weeks pregnant, and I am gaining weight at a rate. The changes I am experiencing is difficult for me to get used to, but I guess I have no choice but to learn to get used to it.
I told my brother, and even though he is very supportive, there is nothing he can really do. He is sooo sweet! The secret though, is still ours.
I also told our grandmother - did not have much of a choice, but blamed it on some boy from Walvis Bay who toured Windhoek with his school football team. For now this is holding up, but do not know for how long. It would kill her if she should find out the truth.
I realise that there are so many things I must still do, but I intend doing everything to the best of my ability. I intend having this baby, and raising it to the best of my ability. I also know that I have the support of a certain someone who unfortunately have to stay in the background for now.
There is something VERY personal I'd like to ask you, but do not know if it would be wise to use this forum. Please let me know.
Lots of love.

Angels-quest · Site Admin Joined: 09 Apr 2007 Posts: 75 Location: UK

Hi Viona,
Sorry I am late to this post. How are things now? I'm so sorry to hear that you became pregnant, I know it was a difficult thing for you to face. Did you manage to tell your Grandmother? I know how difficult it is at the moment for you, but you really need to talk to someone about your pregnancy. Maybe you could confide in a nurse, or teacher?? You may of done this already, as I am late in adding to this. You do need to get checked out, and have scans. Because you & your Brother are obviously related, it could cause problems for the baby (and I do not mean to worry you) There is a risk that the baby could be born deformed or with problems, this may be a small risk, I would not like to quote. But you really need to seek some proper advice.
Please let us know how you are doing now.
Hugs xx
_________________
Many Hugs & Blessings,
Angels Quest

In Loving Memory of Dad 1945-2002. Nan 1919-2006..and all our furry Babies: Roxy, Suzy,Annie,Peach,Kimi,Cookie,Dudley,Spud,Alfie,Thomas,Chester,Milly,Molly,Harry,Wesley.Until we meet again.xxxx

Angels-quest · Site Admin Joined: 09 Apr 2007 Posts: 75 Location: UK

Gosh, sorry if I mentioned things you had already done Viona, for some reason one of your messages went missing until after I had posted!
Ok, do not post anything you are unsure of here...But you can pm either Kaytee or myself (click on pm) . I am Kaytee's sister, so we work hand in hand on here. If you PM either one of us, that will be private, just between you & Kaytee, or you & Me.
Hope that helps.
It's very important you at least tell the doctor who the father is, because they need to know to be able to do the right kind of scans. They should keep that information to themselves, but you can double check & ask them if what you say is confidential.
Good luck.
Hugs xx
_________________
Many Hugs & Blessings,
Angels Quest

In Loving Memory of Dad 1945-2002. Nan 1919-2006..and all our furry Babies: Roxy, Suzy,Annie,Peach,Kimi,Cookie,Dudley,Spud,Alfie,Thomas,Chester,Milly,Molly,Harry,Wesley.Until we meet again.xxxx

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Hi guys,
Thank you for the response. I agree with you that I need someone to talk to, and that is the reason why I am contacting you. I haven't told the doctor who the father is, and must admit that I am scared to do so. Isn't there some other way I can get him to do these tests?
My grandmother is accompanying me on my visits to the doctor now, and even though she is not happy with the pregnancy, she is quite supportive. My mother has found out that I'm pregnant, but there hasn't been any sort of response from her.
The other person in my life is back at school, is as supportive as ever, and has indicated that he is looking forward to the birth of our baby. I am so happy with him, and just wish that we could be a normal couple like others. But for now, what we have is enough for me.
I've been thinking that maybe, in a couple of years time, when we are able to care for ourselves, that we could move to another city where no-one knows us, and that we would be able to lead the normal life we are hoping for.

Kaytee576 · Site Admin Joined: 08 Apr 2007 Posts: 256 Location: UK

Hi Viona. Nice to hear from you and I am pleased to hear all is going well, I know this isn't an Ideal situation for you but its great to hear your positives you are taking from it and the plans you are making for your future.
If you do not feel comfortable with telling the doctor you need to do what is right for you. I am sure many tests will be done as they would anyway to see how the baby is doing and they will be able to see how he/she is getting along in your scans. I am not a doctor and I haven't yet had children myself so I am not too sure what other scans they could do if they were to know the truth but I will look into this for you see if that helps in anyway.
I wish you so much luck and please let us know how you are getting along. I know it is VERY hard for you and we are always here for you any time.
_________________
Thank you for joining us. Please remember we are not doctors or trained in anyway, but we are here as we want to help. We do not judge and we are here for you anytime.

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Thank you, Kaytee, for your kind words. I await your reply on the scans.

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Hi guys,
Just to let you know that both the baby and I are fine. I am already half way through the pregnancy. I'm already in my twenty-first week.
We are still having sexual intercourse, and I was just wondering: Is it still safe for us to have sex? Or will it be detrimental to our unborn child?

queenmaria · Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 10:38 pm Post subject:

Congratulations! I don't think it would be harmful for the baby. Just remember to eat very healthily and not to take medications unless prescribed. Do you know the gender yet?
_________________
I know its sad I never gave a damn about the weather, it never gave a damn about me.

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Hi Maria,
Thank you for the quick reply.
Yes, we do know the gender of the baby. It is a boy, and we've already decided on a name.

Kaytee576 · Site Admin Joined: 08 Apr 2007 Posts: 256 Location: UK

Aww Viona thats lovely

I'm so glad all is going well

Have you had any scans yet? Im so happy to hear you and the baby are healthy and a little boy too how wonderful.
Having sex whilst pregnant does not harm the baby as far as I am aware but remember to be careful I know this baby will be a blessing to you but I am sure you wouldnt want to go through this again anytime soon, by be careful I mean once the baby is born maybe you can look into the best form of contraception that suits you both.
I wish you lots of luck!

Maybe these links help too?
http://www.associatedcontent.com/...ou_need_to_know_about_having.html
http://www.firsttimepregnancy.com/cid_8.html
http://www.mothersbliss.com/
_________________
Thank you for joining us. Please remember we are not doctors or trained in anyway, but we are here as we want to help. We do not judge and we are here for you anytime.

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Hi Kaytee,
So nice to hear from you again, and thanks for the links.
I've had some scans done, but do not know if these "cover" my particular situation. So far, everything seem to be OK. Let's hold thumbs!
Although things in general are OK, I hate the fact that I'm living a lie. I so much want to tell our grandmother the truth, but unfortunately can't.
Maybe some day, when all this is behind us... who knows? I am hopeful!

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Hi Guys,
I hope you are all well. I have not heard from you in a while, and I am unsure if you stil monitor this site.
Anyway, just to let you know that we are doing fine. My delivery date is 15 July.
Thank you for everything!

queenmaria · Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 11:51 pm Post subject:

oh that is great? do you know if everything is ok with the baby? ANd have you made it clear to your brother that you can't get pregnant again? Well wishes your way!
_________________
I know its sad I never gave a damn about the weather, it never gave a damn about me.

Kaytee576 · Site Admin Joined: 08 Apr 2007 Posts: 256 Location: UK

Hi viona, yep were still here

im sorry ive had a weird few months myself and im sorry I wasnt around for a little there.
Wonderful news you have a delivery date

aww you must be so excited though I know its a little scary at the time.
I agree with Maria I hope you agree yourself too that your brother and yourself will need to become aware of what contraception you could use as you dont want to find you have this to go through all over again. I dont mean that in a nasty way but I hope you get what im trying to say.
Hows things now? try not to stress about telling others the truth I know its hard but you have a lot to deal with right now, when the time is right to explain to people if you want to you will know.
Take care sweetie and much luck sent your way xxx
_________________
Thank you for joining us. Please remember we are not doctors or trained in anyway, but we are here as we want to help. We do not judge and we are here for you anytime.

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Hi Kaytee and Maria,
It's nice hearing from you again - I thought you might have abandoned the site.
I am in week 33 of my pregnancy, and carrying around an awful amount of weight. So in that sense, there is some difficulty at the moment. Other than that, we are all fine, and really loking forward to our big day.
We are still in the same bedroom, not that we'd want it any other way. There was a time when we stopped being intimate, thinking that it might be harmful to our baby, but soon learnt that this is not so. Since then we are being intimate again.
I've been for a couple of test and all were positive. Our baby is healthy.
We had ultrasounds ordered as well as other prenatal testing that would provide identifiers had there been a defect. I did have everything that was made available to me, including amnio, and it was fine. I loved seeing these little jumping beans on ultrasound frequently, and we even chose to pay for a 3D/4D ultrasounds so we'd have photographs and video of our unborn baby, which is sooo cool! It was a magnificent experience!
Sometimes at night my brother would lie with me in bed, his hands on my tummy, wanting to feel his child move inside me, and when it does, you should just see how excited he gets. WE both know that our child is a blessing from God, and He would never intentionally harm our baby.
Obviously we do not want another child soon, so we'll be practising safe sex. We are thinking of leaving home and moving to a new city where nobody knows us. Perhaps, in this way, we'll be able to live normal lives with our baby.
Thanks for everything guys!

Kaytee,
I hope that things are a bit better for you by now. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.
Viona

viona · Joined: 25 Sep 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Windhoek, Namibia

Hi Kaytee and Maria,
Just to let you know that I spent the past five days flat on my back in a hospital bed. I went into labour on Sunday, 5 July. Our baby is so cute. You won't believe how beautiful he looks. All is well, with all of us. Hope you guys are doing well.
Love.
Viona

queenmaria · Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:32 pm Post subject:

That is so good to hear! I'm glad that he is healthy and safe.

_________________
I know its sad I never gave a damn about the weather, it never gave a damn about me.